We're sick and tired of hearing bands brush off stateside failure by proclaiming themselves to be huge in some third-world country where selling seven albums gets you a gold record. So it did our heart good to see Megadeth yap about not even being allowed near the metal hotbed of Malaysia, where authorities deemed Dave Mustaine and company "unsuitable" for the youth of that country. While Malaysia's feds objected to Mustaine's lyrics as well as to the band's skeleton mascot, we're guessing, they were quick to praise the quartet's impeccable hair-care regimen. Still, that wasn't enough to get the band a passel of work visas, nor did it allow retailers to sell Megadeth albums, which are now officially banned in Malaysia . . .

Since President Bush seems awfully eager to plant a slew of oil-drilling rigs in national wilderness areas hither and yon, we can't imagine that he'd object to a plan to sink a memorial to country-rock legend Gram Parsons in the soil of California's Joshua Tree National Park. Parsons, who was awfully fond of the landmark that later gave those Irish geezers an album title, died of an overdose near the park twenty-eight years ago and nearly got his wish to have his ashes scattered there when a pal set his coffin ablaze at his favorite spot. That fire was extinguished, and Parsons' remains were turned over to his family, but folks have been trying to get a little piece of the artist enshrined at Joshua Tree ever since . . .

In an apparent attempt to strike a blow at the evil empire of booking agents that've kept him from claiming his rightful place at the summit of the rock world, Ted Poley (best known for his stint fronting nerf-metallers Danger Danger) decided to take his message to the people -- and auction off his "services" on E-Bay. Poley, who now sings for a combo called Melodica, thought it would be a nifty idea to allow fans to bid for a private concert -- until he discovered there wasn't a single person in the continental United States who thought his talents merited ponying up the $2,500 reserve price. Heck, we'd cough up a couple of Gs ourselves, but we'd prefer that Ted and his pals stay in day-job mode and help us paint this here house . . .

If you wanna be a rock & roll star, well, you oughta seek out Roger McGuinn for advice -- but if being a faceless backing musician is more your bag, this is your lucky day. Former Crowded House frontman Neil Finn has hatched a plan to let a batch of his British fans play along with him onstage at three gigs next month. Finn, who's a bit more selective than, say, Lou Pearlman, requires that prospective auditioners for The Band of Strangers be adept on their chosen instruments, since they will be playing before paying audiences. If you're interested enough to hop a transatlantic flight at a moment's notice, you can send an audition tape to Band of Strangers, PO Box No. 14877, London NW1 6ZX, by July 31. Oh, and just in case Finn tries to pull a fast one, remember it's not a time-honored tradition for the new drummer to ply the singer with a lobster dinner with all the trimmings . . .

DAVID SPRAGUE
(July 27, 2001)