The king of crunk is ticked off at the king of spunk: Lil Jon, who's tested the smut waters with his porn series Lil Jon American Sex Series (the crunkster "hosts"), wants big money for the Hustler video Phat Tuesday. Apparently, porn connoisseur Larry Flynt surreptitiously got a hold of concert footage for intercutting with the usual array of girl-on-girl, boy-on-girl and girl-on-whatever action. Interestingly, the not-so-squeaky-clean Jon claims that his likeness has "goodwill attached to it," which has been "tarnished significantly by being linked to Hustler and Larry Flynt." That goodwill, the suit indicates, is worth 30 million bucks -- or, to put our math skills to the ultimate test, roughly 150,000 hours with one of those ho's the Lil one is so fond of serenading . . .

We can understand why prison authorities would try to keep Lil' Kim from bringing some of her more prized possessions -- that mascara wand and the industrial-grade bikini wax, for instance -- into the big house, but we were stunned when word seeped out that they were planning to confiscate her hair. Technically, said seizure was made a bit easier by dint of Kim's only having taken possession of said "hair" a little more than twenty-four hours earlier at her stylist's salon -- an important stop on any pre-jail itinerary. Eyewitnesses told the New York Post that the detention facility's in-house hairdressers weren't as kind to Kim as her usual folks, giving her a do that was "half shoulder-length and the other half going all the way up." On the bright side, the Queen Bee didn't have to give up her breast implants, which could come in handy if there's a flood in that communal shower room . . .

A survey of today's top performers would no doubt reveal that most would be perfectly willing to give a passerby the finger -- but not Bone Thugs-N-Harmony main man Layzie Bone. The rapper got into a scuffle with an angry fan over a last-minute show cancellation last week in Palm Springs, California, culminating in him nearly losing a digit when the young man chomped down in the heat of battle. While Bone was cut, well, clear to the bone, he declined to cooperate with cops who wanted to investigate. We're not experts in backstage battles, but we'd suggest that next time around, Layzie might consider carrying a wet-nap to wash off all traces of finger lickin' good deli-tray items before getting into the ring . . .

A recreational activity that actually has a set of rules specifically penalizing unnecessary roughness would seem to be the last thing that Suge Knight would want to pursue. The rap mogul, however, seems to be willing to take a shot -- figuratively speaking, of course -- at just such a gig. Knight says that he's thinking about shifting his focus to college football, and is hoping to land a position as a coach at a program that could use a leader who's blunt -- and able to supply an entire roster with blunts. It's not such a far-fetched idea, considering that Knight played college ball at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas -- a school that's already survived the reign of basketball gangsta Jerry Tarkanian -- and can call upon vast experience dealing with penalties a little more severe than the standard fifteen yards . . .