Comic wannabes who were stung by news that the PGA has decreed that the world's biggest golfer is no longer a black guy will no doubt be doubly wounded by word that the world's biggest rapper might actually be an alien. That's the message sent by the Raelians, who've decided to make Eminem an honorary priest in their cult -- which, in case you've forgotten, is based on the worship of UFOs and claims of cloning scores of babies. Head loon -- er, make that high priest -- Rael bestowed the honor on Mister Mathers after viewing his "Mosh" video, which, as far as we can tell, bears precious little resemblance to Close Encounters of the Third Kind (or even Plan Nine From Outer Space). Nevertheless, the clonemeister insists that Em deserves respect for being "a public figure not afraid of jeopardizing his careers for their standing up for peace." Personally, we think, to quote Rutles manager Leggy Mountbatten, it's all about the trousers . . .

If we could turn to anyone with questions about castrating goats, it would have to be Gene Simmons, so we can understand how he'd end up getting a write-in vote from someone who'd like to see him elected Agriculture Commissioner of Scott County, Iowa. Unfortunately, Gene finished in a four-way tie for last place, sharing that honor with current and former Kiss bandmates Paul Stanley, Peter Criss and Ace Frehley. And while we'd like to be magnanimous and congratulate certified winners Suzy Van Horst and Bonnie Beechum, we can't help but long to demand a recount on behalf of Bruce Kulick, who really did deserve at least one vote . . .

Having apparently given up on his attempts to actually dig up the corpse of Jim Morrison, one-time Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek has decided to simply insist that the ghost of his one-time bandmate will be joining him onstage whether or not anyone else is aware of it. The psilocybine-inclined ivory tinkler says that the Lizard King's spirit is set to hightail it out of his crypt to join in the festivities of at least one gig in Australia next February, since they worked so well together the last time Morrison visited from beyond the grave. Manzarek told Melbourne's Herald-Sun that "the last time we played Paris, oh my God, Jim was on stage with us. Jesus, you could feel him up there." We don't know about you, but hearing Morrison's name invoked along with the phrase "feel him up" strikes us as vaguely Batman and Robin-esque, if you get our drift . . .

All things considered, we're kinda shocked that the world has had to wait more than three decades for someone to turn out what we'd consider to be one of rock's most logical products -- but, at long last, you can shell out (no pun intended) some cold hard cash for a Blue Oyster Cult-themed cookbook. While the tome is surprisingly light on shellfish-based recipes -- we'd personally love to whip up a batch of "Seven Screaming Clam-Busters" -- there are a number of classic dishes detailed within, most notably "Chili's on Flame With Rock and Roll" and "O-D'ed on Fudge Itself." The editors of Cookin' for You insist theirs is a charitable endeavor, and that a goodly portion of the cash raised will go into a fund earmarked to help unfortunate souls who've never attended a BOC concert. We're guessing that the guys have enough time on their hands these days to do personal concerts for each and every one of those individuals -- and even whip up a batch of "Shooting Shark Tacos" to bring along for the ride . . .