Just when it looked like Harvey Fierstein might have to go get a -- so to speak -- straight job, news of a potential new gig floats up from Down Under. A producer in Perth, Australia, operating under the assumption that the Ramones were nothing more than ABBA in leather jackets, is putting together a musical based on the music of Da Bruddas. According to Michael Herrmann, who wrote the libretto, Gabba Gabba Hey is "a touching love story with colorful Lower East Side characters" set to the music of Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee and Tommy (the last of whom has signed on as musical director). If, like us, you always enjoyed that Muzak version of "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue," an oboe-led rendition is all but certain to get you on line for that matinee (providing, of course, that the Tom Verlaine/Andrew Lloyd-Webber show is already sold out) . . .

Since we've always had trouble keeping a straight face when the music of Kiss enters our earspace, we're not all that surprised to hear that Gene Simmons is being feted by the keepers of the comedy kingdom -- namely the Friar's Club in New York City. In October, a gaggle of his peers -- namely toupeed middle-agers with an unnatural fondness for polyester - will treat him to a good old-fashioned roast. Just for kicks, we're considering hijacking a coupla invites for Peter Criss and Ace Frehley, who might have a few things to add. Just for good measure, we hope the Friars are loading up on Muslim waiters and cooks for the occasion; Gene would want it that way . . .

There aren't many AARP-ready rockers who'd say "no" to Paris Hilton, so we've got to tip our hat to John Kay of Steppenwolf, who turned the Internet vixen down flat when she coquettishly approached him earlier this year to ask him to slip her . . . a few bars of "Born to Be Wild." Kay tells the Toronto Sun that Hilton wanted to use the tune to accompany footage of her cross-country RV trek on the current season of The Simple Life. "I had to say no," Kay offered. "There are certain things even a rock & roller will not stoop to, and this is one of them." Considering the number of Wyoming county fair gigs on the dockets of Kay's peers, we'd like to see a list of those things . . .

Given the per capita alcohol consumption in the country's danker recesses, we're not altogether surprised that a gaggle of Ireland's more blatant racists have banded together for what they consider a worthy cause -- namely, an Internet plan to destroy an in-the-works tribute to of late Thin Lizzy frontman Phil Lynott. The brain-cell deficient folks in Stormfront Ireland are pitching their collective hissy fit over the erection of a statue in Dublin honoring Lynott, a half-black Irishman who died in 1986. Lynott's mother Philomena was comparatively gentle in discussing the racist group with Dublin's Evening Herald, calling them "mindless cowards." We can't argue with that assessment, but we still have to wonder where the Stormfronters found allies with opposable thumbs to help them work them there computer gadgets.