While the news has been filled with tragic images over the past several weeks, some folks have managed to maintain the pop obsessive's uniquely skewed perspective about what really matters in the world - and, frankly, they scare us. The British branch of the Samaritans -- who provide telephone counseling to folks who are depressed and grieving -- say that their lines have been ringing off the hook of late . . . because Limey boy band 5ive have announced that they're going their separate ways. While the organization insists it keeps all calls confidential and does not release data about the topics on callers' minds, the upswing in use coincided with the quintet's breakup announcement. Suddenly, "there will always be an England" doesn't sound so reassuring anymore . . .

If a chart-full of mawkish ballads has you pining for the days when you could turn on the radio and hear a singer with balls, you're in luck -- as long as you live in Croatia. The hills of that land will soon be alive with the sound of the music of Newera, a thrashy combo led by Slaven Bilic, who led Croatia's soccer team at the 1998 World Cup. Bilic brought home a bronze medal -- the heftiest piece of precious metal to pass the country's borders in years -- from that competition, but insists he won't settle for Newera's "Hannibal" single (which will be used in promotions for the Eastern European release of the Silence of the Lambs sequel) going less than gold. And we believe, in Croatia, that requires sales of eleven copies . . .

The government of China may be pretty tough on political protestors, but it apparently thinks that the nation's rock stars need to be handled with kid gloves. As such, a high court has agreed that Zang Tiansho deserves some compensation from a Web site that carried a poll naming him the third ugliest performer in the land. Tianshuo, a regular fixture atop China's charts, was awarded the equivalent of $2,500 after winning his suit -- in which, oddly enough, he was not joined by the fellas who "won" first and second prize. We'd advise Tianshuo to enjoy the glory while he can . . . after all, it's just a matter of time before the youth of China discovers System of a Down, thereby knocking him clear outta the top five . . .

Some nay-sayers called them "the worst band in the history of rock & roll" and you barely need to take off a shoe to count the number of copies the one album they put out in their original lifespan sold -- but, over the years, the Shaggs have become an enduring underground legend. As such, it's only fitting that they join Brian Wilson, Bob Dylan and Hank Williams. No, not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame -- we wish! -- but in the ranks of artists feted with all-star tribute albums. On the appropriately titled Better Than the Beatles, which will be released on October 30th, admirers such as Ida, R. Stevie Moore and Bettie Serveert spinoff Bauer take their best shots at recreating the magic of the Wiggins sisters . . .

DAVID SPRAGUE
(September 28, 2001)