Since we've always admired America's true innovators -- from Edison to Ellington -- we'd like to throw our weight behind Ronnie James Dio, who's getting mighty ticked off about his greatest invention being appropriated by all the wrong people. No, we're not talking about the folks who've been using old tapes of his Sabbath days to scare off squirrels, we're referring to the misuse of the devil-horn hand sign that ol' Ron claims to have perfected back in his younger days. Dio's complaints revolve around folks like Britney Spears not appreciating the gravity of the sign's use, not to mention ubiquitous sloppy delivery that gets the thumb involved -- which, as the singer notes, changes the meaning of the gesture from "Hey there, Beelzebub" to "I love you" . . .

John Lennon caused a wee bit of controversy back in the Sixties when he observed that the Beatles might be "bigger than Jesus." Well, now one of his surviving band mates can officially make the claim that he's bigger than Leonardo da Vinci. Paul McCartney's recently opened art show at Liverpool's Walker Art Gallery has been drawing visitors at an unprecedented rate, leading curators to predict it would outstrip ol' Leo, whose sketchbooks and drawings previously brought in more people than any other show . . .

While conjuring up the image of Ozzy Osbourne without a stitch of clothing doesn't strike us as the best idea in the world, an adult film company apparently disagrees, having announced plans to go ahead and shoot a flick entitled The Ozporns. Director Antonio Pasolini tells Adult Video News that smut crossed his mind within five minutes of his first exposure to the Ozzman and his family, although, surprisingly, he made no special mention of everyone's favorite pink-haired Madonna impersonator. We're actually kind of hoping that Pasolini attempts to find exact lookalikes for Ozzy and his lovely wife, since we've always wanted to really test the premise that you can go blind from watching that stuff . . .

He claims to have bedded thousands of women in his time, but Gene Simmons apparently doesn't want to let any of his closely guarded tips on scoring out of the bag, which explains why he's not personally handling the sex-columnist duties at the new magazine that he's started with some of the proceeds from Kiss's Endless Farewell tour. Simmons has retained a still-unidentified therapist, dubbed a "sexpert," who will offer hints about success in the sack -- starting, we'll presume, with the proper way to time that makeup removal.

DAVID SPRAGUE
(May 24, 2002)