After years of hearing guys like Scott Stapp channel every tummy-ache twinge into a chart-topping song, we'll be kind of happy to hear some genuine pain hit the airwaves -- which will happen as soon as Ray J. Norwood gets his next single onto the market. The singer will reportedly sample the sound of big sister Brandy in the throes of labor as she was delivering her baby daughter earlier this summer. We're guessing that the tune will also include snippets of big burly cameramen running for the exits -- and maybe even a bit of color commentary from John Norris -- since Brandy had invited MTV into the delivery room as part of the multi-media breeding spectacular . . .

Talk about adding insult to injury! First Korn's James "Munky" Shaffer goes public with his notion that Adolf Hitler probably went to heaven, and now the band takes things a step further, putting their -- shall we say --"distinctive imprint" on a version of "Song Sung Blue," one of the more beloved tunes from the catalog of Neil Diamond (known to some of his more dedicated fans as "the Jewish Elvis"). Fortunately, the cover tune is only available on the band's Web site (www.korn.com) for now. Should enough folks go download mad, however, we can probably look forward to a slew of similar ditties -- anyone for Slipknot's take on "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing"?

Since the folks responsible for putting together the Oxford English Dictionary are probably at least a decade away from adding "bling-bling" to their mix, we'd like to applaud N.O.R.E. for doing his part to boost literacy among readers eager to learn a thing or two about thug life. The rapper has assembled a sort of Cliff's Notes for aspiring tough guys -- or those who want to play them on television -- and posted it at www.defjam.com/Nore. In other words, it won't be long before we hear Lance Bass peppering his conversation with terms like "wankster" (a derogatory term for a fake gangster), "flagrant" (Nore-speak for a fella who's a bit too effeminate for his own good) and "Douche Dang" (oddly enough, a complimentary way to refer to an attractive woman) . . .

As anyone who's ever been to Graceland can attest, rock & roll has never seen a better interior decorator than Elvis Presley. For decades, the King's aesthetic remained confined to the rarefied heights of the Jungle Room -- or the occasional cut-rate motel in the Pocono Mountains -- but, thanks to recent breakthroughs in the fake-fur industry, just about anyone can now festoon their home with the same tasteful restraint that's captivated millions of Memphis visitors over the years. As of right now, the Elvis Presley Collection is limited to bedroom furniture -- including a heart-shaped "Burning Love" mirror and an armoire emblazoned with a replica of the singer's signature. Plans are underway, however, to expand the line to include living room and dining room furniture as well -- although we're holding out until they start selling a solid gold toilet like the one that held Elvis' precious bodily fluids every time he flew in his private jet . . .

DAVID SPRAGUE
(August 9, 2002)