Welcome to Al's newest nightmare. Shock rock progenitor Alice Cooper launches his sport and rock eatery, the curiously named Alice Cooper'stown Restaurant, this weekend in his hometown of Phoenix, Ariz. The Seventies icon, who assumed his moniker after a Ouija board revealed that he was the reincarnation of a seventeenth-century witch with that name, revealed that he was still stirring up potions -- only this time he's serving them to everyday citizens of America's Southwest.

"I'm knee-deep in barbecue sauce," Cooper says, "which, when you think about it, actually isn't that much different than stage blood." Indeed, before Gene Simmons spat red goo across the stages of America's hinterlands -- and while Marilyn Manson was still in dirty diapers -- Cooper spent his time chopping up baby dolls, allegedly killing chickens onstage and casually draping a live boa constrictor around his scrawny shoulders, much to the derision of America's conservatives.

"For the record, it *never* happened. I never killed that chicken," Cooper insists. "At the Toronto Rock & Roll Revival someone threw a chicken on stage, and I threw it back into the audience. And the *audience* tore it to pieces, not me. But the next thing you knew, it was 'Alice Cooper Kills Chickens.' Who knew that would lead to a career as a restaurateur." Now he does kill chickens -- and pigs and steers -- and after tomorrow (Dec. 19) he will be offering a BBQ sampler plate of all of them for only $9.95, with your choice of four sauces: East Carolina, West Texas, Kansas City or "Shep's Maui Wowie." "Yeah if you come, you can pick out your own pig or steer, and we'll kill it for you, just to show you how fresh our ribs are." Cooper revealed, sounding like he was half-kidding.

While you're gnawing on those tasty bones, you just might run into Megadeth's Dave Mustaine, who not only is a customer, but a partial owner. (Yep, the "Mega Death [sic] Meatloaf" is named after him, and it sits on the menu beside such delicacies as "Welcome to my Nightmare Chili" and "Ryne Sandburgers," dubbed for the Hall-of-Fame second baseman, who also invested in the joint. You can wash it all down with "Sammy Hagar's Waboritu," an updated version of the classic margarita. In addition to being an "all American eatery," Cooper'stown is also a rock venue and will stage impromptu jams with Cooper's famous friends, as well as the occasional Webcast.

"You never know who will come down," Cooper tantalizes. "Motley Crue said they'd be here Sunday when they're in town, and tomorrow night I'll be playing with Mustaine and Nils Lofgren with Randy 'The Big Unit' Johnson from the Diamondbacks on drums. We won't be doing my songs, probably a couple of old Beatles' songs, 'Honky Tonk Woman' and stuff like that."

All of which begs the question: Would Cooper let Marilyn Manson eat there if he was in town? "Absolutely," the shock godfather says. "I'd even put an item on the menu for him. But I'd have to think about what to call it very carefully." How about leftovers? "Ha ha. The funny thing is regardless of what people think, I don't have any feud going with him. I've never even met him. And if I meet him, I'd have a lot to talk to him about."

In non-masticating news, Cooper is finally set to release his box set, the Life and Crimes of Alice Cooper, due out next March on Rhino Records. He also revealed that he'd like to stage an over-the-top production in a theater for an entire year, having fans come to him rather than taking his show out on tour. "I want to put shockers in the seats and at a certain point the audience would get a jolt. Then there would be things running across the floor that feel like mice running across you feet. In fact, as soon as [everyone's] inside, someone would lock the doors and no one could get out. Hey, maybe we'll do that with the restaurant. When you come in to eat ribs, we'll lock the door, and you can't get out until you've cleaned your plate."

JAAN UHELSZKI
(December 18, 1998)